Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
