Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
