I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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