nut hugger
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
