This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
