I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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