What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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