My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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