So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
