i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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