who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
