alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
