Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
