Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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