Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize