So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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