We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
