I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
