I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
