she was so not down for the gang bang
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
