just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
