Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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