We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
