Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're like the curious george of whores
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
