Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
