OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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