Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
