Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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