her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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