I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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