You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
