so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
