I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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