Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
