The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
