to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
