i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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