just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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