I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
