Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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