I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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