I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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