I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
