I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
