I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
