great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
