we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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