I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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