New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
