I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
