Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
