We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
