for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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