Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
