I think I am morally bankrupt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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