Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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