worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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