Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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