i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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