Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
