is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
