Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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