No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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